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When I dominated Rage.

August 17th, 2017

I am in pain, but doing better now. I have a few new pieces of poetry and other writings about mental illness, and I think this one might be good for others.

Because when pure logic failed, I tried emotion.

Neither of these were helpful. Truly nothing could, but leaving entirely. And I have done that.

Written: March 25, 2018 12:27am


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Stigma: The Final End

August 9th, 2018

I write away my pain. Sometimes that means revealing it, particularly when someone else might need to hear it and find solace and love in my words. Someone who, like me, suffered when boundaries were crossed one too many times. And now they find they are suffering from stigma. I’ve written about it before, but I had no neat example. It's a messy topic, but I have a story to tell. And like most stories, it wants to be heard. Names and details don't matter. You will see the shape of the thing.

A deep trigger was set off. A barb at a wound so deep it made me want to scream. Rage was instantly ignited. No one else had that power over me but the one who said such words. I slammed my hand on the door after speaking into the room. I bruised myself in the process, my delicate fingers. But with a shaking fury beginning to rattle through me, it was the only outlet I had. I recognized my state from that and withdrew. I went to call my mother, more enraged than I ever had been. So deep the wound.


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My too fucking timely prologue.

June 14th 2018

This series has been 23 years in the making. 17 years ago it was highly influenced by America's reaction to 2001. Or really the right wing's. At least 10 years ago I wrote the prologue. It was finalized sometime under Obama.

I don't know why I didn't see it coming. I wrote it. What do I mean? Well, please enjoy a look at my book with the prologue. With details I reveal in the book I do not want to be a modern day Cassandra.

The night before 9/11 I complained of this excruciating pressure, like the country was going to burst.

Now I feel like I am in the collapse of the American Empire as power moves westward again back to China. Power has been moving westward for thousands of years. It can complete the clock. America doesn't deserve power any more than any other country. But... well read.

Think I'm hysterical? Please stop the Trump Adminstration and prove me wrong. I would love that.

And don't act like terrorism can't reach this shore again. It's just now done by the government.


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Mental Illness Stigma

June 1st, 2018

It’s hard to know what to say about stigma. It’s so sneaky and prevalent. A lot to be unpacked. I’m sure this post will only scratch the surface. But those of us with mental illness face it quite frequently.

From people with a bad experience or two, to those afraid of what they see on TV. Parents concerned about your relationship with their offspring. Those who just don’t want to show you the compassion you deserve. Trying to be a parent with Mental Illness and facing flack. And finally those who refuse to separate you from the symptoms. There are all kinds of sources.

Remember you are not your symptoms.

Some of the stigma I have faced broke my heart. But some people were worth reaching out to and reassuring. I can only share from my experiences. But I’m a fierce fighter of stigma and my refusal to be ashamed has blown back a few doors.

Let me make this clear upfront. Stigma comes from the frightened and the insecure. It is not you. It is them. You’ll see as I tell my story.


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Introduction to Mental Illness. The Brutal Truth.

May 21st, 2018

So someone in your family just got diagnosed with a severe mental illness. Let’s call him Adam.

I should mention. I’m not a doctor. I’m mentally ill. This is my experience. Whatever medical waiver I need to declare to not get sued for my personal advice. Consider this it.

First, let me say this flatly. If you think this is a life threatening emergency, stop reading and Dial 911.

I’m. Not. Fucking. Kidding. (Yeah, I know, I know. I used bitch tone. This is nothing to play around with)


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Your Friend Is Being Abused.

November 28th, 2017

CN: Emotional, Physcial, Sexual Abuse

I was asked how to get a friend out of abuse. Having been emotionally and sexually abused from 2004-2007 I had some idea. I got away, I fought my fight. But I know what helped me escape.

The individual clasped onto me when I first sought treatment for bipolar, and took advantage of my weakened state to sink his claws into me. Then he did what all abusers do. He groomed me.

Welcome to a sick world. If you want to help, you need to know what you are up against. But I do have answers for you. Be Patient.


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Trump supporters here is your bridge you’ve been asking for.

November, 30th 2016

No I’m not tricking you. You are asking for discourse so I’m offering it. You see I understand there were many single reasons to vote for Trump, just as he has a few “character flaws” that I’ll get back to.

Now I know we’ve been angry, I’ll explain why later. Right now this about you. Specifically the people about to get hit hardest. The people most Democrats want to help but haven’t been able to. And I know any facts about tied hands will do me no good. This is your life at stake. I understand.


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Write Every Day? I wish

Why the advice to write every day comes from a position of privilege. (And why some writer’s “don’t read”)

July 15th, 2016

If you can, I agree, write every single day. It’s better for your mental health, and you need to invest thousands of hours of writing time to get the skills to produce something average, let alone great. But some of us aren’t that lucky.


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Blog, large scale reboot

Shit I forgot to date this. June, 2016

I am dropping all my blog content in the name of progress. I've changed, now must it. I've learnt a lot over the past two years, mostly in ways that I've been wrong. So this no longer reflects my views. Instead of just trashing the whole thing though, I will be (not today) reintroducing many of the topics with whole new posts that reflect what I have learnt.

So that's that, just a project of self improvement reflected on the page. I will update the blog eventually with new content.

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Last updated December 10th, 2017

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